Book, Coffee and a Cigarette.
I’m posting this from sunny Seville.
This post’s acting as my notification for my prolonged hiatus from the blog.
I have been here for a while, with my 3 close friends and in truth, its been a ride. Love, hate, deep convos, fights, etc.
It’s been a hell of a ride so far, and in truth, it has been a needed get away as it allowed me to reassess not only my position (internally) but my friends also.
As I have mentioned before, I felt I have not grown spiritually (Mediation, composure, etc.) wise since the last year and a half. I have had people dispute that but this is an area I feel I have not been able to properly improve on due to the rush of final year at university.
This in some essence could be linked to my reactions of late, an issue between Chimi and I escalated, in which “shots” at my girl was taken, and unlike my previous stance as being melancholic/passive, I took the aggressive approach.
After the dust had settled, all I’m hearing is that “You have changed” “I liked the old you”.
Which is not the first time I am hearing this.
I have also been told I have fallen into the “egotistical” and “narcissistic” side, on the basis that I take care of myself and actually care about how my hair (Dreads) and clothes look. This is their terms is a sign I care what people think.
Just a few stuff I’ve been pondering on since last night.
Not put off, not not angry, not upset
It’s not that deep. – My current motto
I get angry, sad, happy, and then I move on
Its not that deep – I think I expect everyone to follow this way of reasoning with me….humm
I was told “not everything has to be about “you” Eric, sometimes you have to sacrifice”
Well, if sacrificing means being in-congruent with my thoughts and feelings, well….
Anyways, I’ve got a book and a cup of coffee with my name on it. The pull from this malboro cigarette and an exhale of carbon-mono-oxide into the Spanish air soothes my soul.
I feel as if after this break, I won’t be lacking in those areas I previously mentioned, as to whether I would revert back…no chance.