I’m posting this from sunny Seville.
This post’s acting as my notification for my prolonged hiatus from the blog.
I have been here for a while, with my 3 close friends and in truth, its been a ride. Love, hate, deep convos, fights, etc.
It’s been a hell of a ride so far, and in truth, it has been a needed get away as it allowed me to reassess not only my position (internally) but my friends also.
As I have mentioned before, I felt I have not grown spiritually (Mediation, composure, etc.) wise since the last year and a half. I have had people dispute that but this is an area I feel I have not been able to properly improve on due to the rush of final year at university.
This in some essence could be linked to my reactions of late, an issue between Chimi and I escalated, in which “shots” at my girl was taken, and unlike my previous stance as being melancholic/passive, I took the aggressive approach.
After the dust had settled, all I’m hearing is that “You have changed” “I liked the old you”.
Which is not the first time I am hearing this.
I have also been told I have fallen into the “egotistical” and “narcissistic” side, on the basis that I take care of myself and actually care about how my hair (Dreads) and clothes look. This is their terms is a sign I care what people think.
Just a few stuff I’ve been pondering on since last night.
Not put off, not not angry, not upset
It’s not that deep. – My current motto
I get angry, sad, happy, and then I move on
Its not that deep – I think I expect everyone to follow this way of reasoning with me….humm
I was told “not everything has to be about “you” Eric, sometimes you have to sacrifice”
Well, if sacrificing means being in-congruent with my thoughts and feelings, well….
Anyways, I’ve got a book and a cup of coffee with my name on it. The pull from this malboro cigarette and an exhale of carbon-mono-oxide into the Spanish air soothes my soul.
I feel as if after this break, I won’t be lacking in those areas I previously mentioned, as to whether I would revert back…no chance.
So, to follow up my previous post – The Ultimate Team
I thought it’d be good to elaborate on why these guys are my close friends.
It goes beyond growing up together, developing our relationships. The main reason I rate the guys mentioned in my post as members in my team boils down to the fact that we are all aligned with our focus to becoming a fully developed man once our prime comes.
We’re all in our early 20’s, and ideally most men peak between their mid to late 30’s (35 – 40), so we’ve got about 2 decades to reach this goal – God willing.
From the previous post, its pretty evident that we do not share the same personality. On the other hand we all share the same end goal but our standard on values and what makes us feel good are all different.
I classed these guys as main because they want to get good at every aspect of their lives. We do, I know i do, have other friends outside these guys that are also doing well in life but they have not bought into the idea of self development. They have elements that I would like to take on, but they do not represent the ultimate version I would like to become e.g. some are laying numerous amount of girls but flunking exams, some own there own business but are unfit, some have completely accepted themselves but are constantly doing drugs.
With this mind, I look at what I have achieved since I was 16 and look towards what I want to achieve when I am 35 – Becoming a man in my prime. They do not tie into it. I have done good so far. I mean, I know I have, with my my guys, have long left the BETA male sect.
How do I know this ?
In my opinion, if you want to gauge whether you’re a man in your prime (or working towards it) is pretty much, if you have a girl you’ve dated and you dumped her does she stalk you and/or threaten to kill herself.
Think about, any guy you know that’s in the gym, highly intelligent, knows how to act as man, has decent game, well dressed and a decent lifestyle. Just fucking on it. whatever girl he’s dating, the amount of energy she gets of him is insane.
– Fair enough, not every girl will try to commit suicide because of you, but they’re are a few of those girls around.
Reason why this happens is because when you have that much going on, you become such a rare breed that the gap between yourself and the other guys becomes so vast. If you cut her out of your life, there’s not going to be a lot of opportunities for her to replace you, its going to be very very difficult for her to do so.
It might not be your desire to press leverage on the girl, its just a sign that you have spent so much time developing yourself and your value that if you decided to pull that rug from underneath her the value of her life will decrease so rapidly. The quality of her life, her direction, good emotions, etc – will all go *poof* and she’ll end up crazy.
This provides insight into why girls will let their guys date /see multiple girls.
She hates that its happening but at the same time, she tried seeing other guys but he can’t match the amount of value being brought to the table previously.
Its not a money thing, but rather the way I am going to relate to that girl. They way that I am going to have her emotionally.The feeling of safety she is going to feel with me and what I’m going to do to her sexually and physically will just be lethally enrapturing.
Not a lot of guys talk about stuff like this, being honest getting my guys into this mindset also was difficult. But we sat down and just talked, we’re 22 now. If we were to spend a further decade focussing on self development, buy the time we’re 32 we’d be peaking at every level, the amount of value we’d be bringing would be immense.
Our most valued attribute – Our ambition
Our most valued attribute in other people – Good Intentions
Part 2 of the 3 part post.
So I’m writing this sipping on a can of Carlsberg after handing in my reflective essay/report thing – Mild celebratory tactics for me after slaving to produce that very annoying piece of course work.
This post shall be following the same reflective stance
Let me set the scene here..
So, Some weeks back I got into this conversation with a female friend of mine, roughly the same age range as myself – early 20’s.
She, Crissy, wanted to know about the thought processes of guys basically. How we think, what we like, how we communicate and all that jazz – I’m guessing she had guy issues at this point.
I thought the whole scenario was a really good one, on two counts anyway. The first being the question and the second because she asked a GUY about advice on guys. – Makes sense asking the mechanic to tell you what’s wrong with the car.
At that moment I was pretty much stumped, but I was honest and told her I don’t know how guys communicate. It wouldn’t make sense if I sat there and painted guys as heroes that are always open, that would be a lie. They are still, and will always be passive aggressive meandering man boys out there generally.
I’d like to think (as well as all dudes) I am this complex, deep in thought, aloof, philosophical individual guy, yet I and my male brethren still find ourselves in week long conversations about whether or not we’d do a girl that didn’t have a nose.
Yeah, I know..hah
Soo after pondering on the whole thing I came up some generic pieces of advice for her on what all dudes like, I just told her what I like from girls, and its really a few simple things.
1) Learn how to cook and cook
Sounds so stereotypical but I do not mean it in a sexist way, so calm down. For some weird reason nowadays making your guy (or a guy you fancy) a meal or something is seen as the most degrading thing you can do yet these same females want guys to hold the doors open for them and buy drinks for them when we’re out ?
Sounds simple enough right, but as I always say, us guys are very simple, and by simple I don’t mean stupid before some you get on your high horse
I remember one weekend a while back, I had my girl over at mine visiting. The Arsenal football match had just started when she went to the kitchen to make me an egg, mayo and bacon sandwich. She brought it to me accompanied with a bottle of Budweiser – King of beers!
And I tell you, it was one of the most beautiful moments of our relationship.
I mean, you do that once in a while and he’ll think “I’ve got a keeper”. My current gains at the moment are directly attributed to the packs she makes each weekend.
2) Don’t be a slob
Guys are naturally inclined to be messy and this is not an excuse. I am messy. And by messy I mean clothes on the floor stuff not the not showering, overgrown hair, body odour, crusty toes messy. That’s just messed up. I’m not looking to discover new diseases with you, why so dirty ? They’re a few that can benefit from walking through a car wash for a quick clean. If his place is messy, tidy that shit, be his organizer. Doing stuff like that automatically puts ahead of 80% of the women we know.
3) Just chill
Men want to be alone, but they don’t want to be by them self. We want you around, on the roof, in the vents, the next room, preferably the kitchen, anywhere but not right in our face with words and stuff.
This is how simple guys are, if you actually every once in s while said “hey, do you want a beer” and you actually got up and went to the fridge to go get it, and actually put it in a frosted glass, personally speaking I’m ready to paint your toes and do all those cuddly girly things. Heck, keep it up and you might eventually get me to watch “the notebook” – And yes, based on the number of rejections I’ve dished out over the years, it is a feat.
Have you ever been in love with a woman and be thinking “Ahh, I love her soo much, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, I want to have a child with her” then I remember she can’t cook and go…”nehh, on her titties instead, allow that” – hah, I can’t be the only one
On that note, I’m done, I’ve got work in the morning + presents to buy and I tend to get very picky when choosing. Nothing makes any sense.
Anyways, my mate and I are gonna go “Houdini” this girl. – should be fun.
Most of us lower our standards – Why?
Because who you spend time with is who you become.
One of the biggest reasons why I try to do things on my own (Gym, work, uni, etc.) is because finding people with the same level or with higher standards, are quite difficult to come by, especially in this generation.
Finding someone who lives to that standard you’re attaining to, and having the person constantly around you is very difficult. – For example, my first and best gym partner is studying at a different city so we only really train during the holidays. But then it’s too late cause we’re all catching up with other mates as well as working.
Hence why I advocate being estranged from certain groups, or if possible, convert someone into your beliefs or find someone that already shares in those beliefs.
Never adopt, compare or settle for their low standards.
I mention compare, which could also mean compete.
When you’re around people with low standards, to compete with them……You don’t have to compete with them. There’s no pressure to progress. – A different kind of plateau.
Look at shows like Jeremy Kyle, Jerry springer, 18 and preggers etc. I always wondered where they found people like them and why these kind of shows are so popular.
The reason is because you watch these people and go “My life is better than them, I don’t have to change, I’m already doing good”. – Blissfully entering that comfort zone again.
You don’t have to change. Once you get around people with low standards or that are performing less than you, you automatically feel better, your happiness towards yourself spikes a little bit and you feel good. But alas, its an illusion.
The only thing that’s going to make you happy is stepping up. Raise the standard. Feel that pressure pushing through you, which will get you to that other side.
Pretty short post I just wanted to get out before heading gym. I didn’t feel the need to emphasize on it any further, it’s pretty much easy to understand I reckon.
I’ve attached an ask.fm link below for my readers to anonymously drop their thoughts, questions, comment or ideas on topics they might harbour. It’s all anonymous as I have previously mentioned, so don’t worry, you won’t get found out.
It’d be pretty dope to hear your perspectives.
Anyway, It’s like 10:45 pm now and I’ve got a squat rack with my name on it.
P.s I’ve finished on the interlude to “pull the trigger then bite the mango”, pretty sweet.
Here’s the link – http://ask.fm/R3lax_
My first post of 2014 – …and in a while if I am honest.
I had written other posts ages ago but they did not seem to have the urgency I wanted from them, I was not pushed to post them. – For this, I have no explanation.
BUTTT! I finally wrote a post that I actually enjoyed and, I actually looked forward to putting this one out – This post made me feel some type of way.
Anyways, as we all know, its 2014. BUT, most of us still seem to be living that old 2013 life. I have had people around me already walk into failures – and its only January ?
This post is basically my wake up call to them – and also others. We can all relate to this.
I offer insight on success and failure and how these are achieved. – This will be through rituals.
It only takes fundamental basics to change your life.
It only takes a move then you do your life changes. – Raise your standards, expect more from yourself!
Have you ever challenged yourself to raise your standards but you failed ?
Basically, this is because you failed to keep up with you rituals.
As human beings, rituals define us.
All the results in our lives are determined by our rituals.
For example, if you are physically fit (Like myself 🙂 )you won’t share the same daily rituals with someone who is not physically fit.
I wake up, roll out of bed, make my coffee accompanied by my first meal of the day, slip on my shoes and then head to the gym.
If you’re not physically fit, you probably wake up, hit the snooze button on your phone then head back to bed. When you eventually wake up, you roll around in bed for a couple of minutes before actually leaving it to get some food (that’s probably going to raise your cortisol levels) before heading back to the same bed to begin killing your brain cells by watching some reality TV.
– Still don’t understand ?
Another example then. If you are in a passionate relationship, you have a very different rituals compared to someone who is in a lousy one. In a lousy one you probably get home and start tweeting and messaging other people, in the process avoiding your spouse whilst the passionate ones are busy conversing through out the whole day; planning when next they are going to see each other and what they are going to do. – Girls that lost their guys to the “sidechick” phenomenon, the latter is what she was doing. Basically, everything you weren’t.
I digress….moving on
See, what I’ve learnt from my research and basic study on successful people and myself is that success and failure ARE NOT OVERNIGHT EVENTS.
They don’t just “show up”. You do not just “suddenly” become successful or “suddenly” have this cataclysmic event that makes you fail. It might look that way, but its not.
Failure comes from those little things….Failing to complete those little rituals.
Its failure to make that call, its failure to check you accounts, its failure to say “I am sorry”, its failure to push your self to do those things you did not want to do.
All those little failures day after day come together till one day a cataclysmic event happens and you blame that – That event happens because you missed all those little stuff.
The same can be applied to success. Success is having a vision, success is making it compelling, success is really feeling that dream every single day- living and breathing it, success is calling/messaging to say “I love you” in the middle of the day for no particular reason!. – How many relationships are dead today because they lack any surprise rituals. Countless mate.
You need to have some rituals, cool things you do that give you a better life. This can be applied to all areas of your life also.
There is a saying by some guy, “you are rewarded in public for what you practise in private”. – I couldn’t be asked to Google then cite the guy. Allow me, this ain’t uni work.
In conclusion, its pretty much as simple as that really.
Make your success rituals a lifestyle.
– Proverbs 12:11 (NIV)
Damn, been a while friends.
On my last post I mentioned how work had me tied up. – Serious understatement
Sleepless nights, fatigue, roughly sleeping only 4 hrs a day.
Truly stressful, no lie. But as I always say when it involves working out of my comfort zone, “it has to be done” – period
I quoted a Bible passage – I know, me (Enough with the sarcastic looks).
Even though I still harbor issues on the path Christianity is taking in our current times, this doesn’t dissolve the importance of the words in the book. Especially the books of proverbs for me. – Life wisdom conveniently provided in a soft back, and easily digestible publication.
Regardless of what the Bible says and taking God out of things. One thing is for sure, you only reap what you sow. Put in hard work in anything form and you shall reap progress. In most cases, its slow. But its progress nonetheless.
It matters not what you’re doing for money or development – from working as a cleaner to starting weightlifting and only being able to bench 5 kg on each side of the bar. Its progress of some sorts, and for that you will improve.
Lets flashback here.
So the beginning of summer, I put in mad shifts at my retail job and got quite a bit but after a while the temporary contract came to an end. I was without a job for about 2 months. – Mind you, I hate working, or should I say, I despise menial jobs so not working at the store wasn’t really an issue for me.
For those months where I wasn’t working. This extra time provided me with the opportunity to spend it with my close mates, doing random stuff but still money conscious with our dealings – being financially caged isn’t freedom and I yearn for this, in all its possible forms.
But this period of freedom allowed me excess time to read more as well as meditate and self reflect on myself, as well as more frequent one to one talks with my dad – A small/medium business owner.
I cant remember our conversations word for word but certain bits stuck.
I told him “I dislike working for someone else, creativity no matter what job they offer is hampered” His reply “If you hate it what are you doing at the moment, what provisions are you making to avoid ending up doing this for the next 40 years”, “learn the game then play it how you want to”, “one thing people your age lack is urgency”, “if you don’t have yourself in check you’re pathetic” and a few other quotes along those lines.
Anger ensued. Not cause of the words said, but its the honesty in his words. A few things became apparent to me. Man shall ever remain dreaming of a better tomorrow and man; for them not to regress, need some sort of activity done on a regular basis. Also dreamers annoy the life out of me. – Moving like Itachi has you in some genjutsu
Eventually, I did get a job. 3 at the same time in just the month of September. – All this after all the effort of interviews, business researching, practicing for interviews, rejections etc
I worked in all 3 before I finally settled for the job at a well reputable bank that around my area. – Yeah, I wear suits now lol. Plus, if I am going to be working, I might as well do it at a decent place.
All in all, what I am saying is you have to remain constant with ways in progressing yourself.
Give up hope and fantasies that shit will fall into your lap. – Unless your father is Dangote
Start making provisions to getting things done on your own.
When others were watching reality TV I was reading. When others were updating Facebook, I emerged myself in “ted talks” videos. When others were having that left over pizza from the night spent at the club, I was downing my coffee whilst heading to the gym. When others were getting overly drunk at the club and throwing up, I was convincing that young thang its safer if I walk her home, then… – Yeahh, a bit too much ?.
You should understand what I’m heading at. Don’t wonder “how” sh*t just happens. Do something and find out.
Results aren’t instant, but for that 0.00000001 daily self betterment, its worth it.
As my dad says, “progress is an accumulative thing” and due to focusing on work you might see other aspects of your life playing second fiddle to your main focus. – But it has to be done. We have all gone through those periods.
– Final year starts in a bit and its mainly going to be studying, work and the gym for me and I can’t actually wait.
Catch up now, or find out later.
BTW A quick shout out to all my readers, Thank you all. I see you 😉