And we…..hung on the corridors of D-block.
Lunchtime at college, say about 12 o’clock.
Grab Kitten and the rest lets all go get some dixy.
Jermaine and Eman were always picking off us like they’re gypsies.
Barking College self proclaimed best set.
Thanks Rushpal, Ben and Liz Westhead.
Shit wasn’t always cool, but somehow you knew some sort of education would put us in a better bet.
We’re still on our break, wheres Grant headed.
It was early days but he still had the best med.
Grades – always as high. Just like that time in our econs class.
How is it down there ? eyes low already? – fitting into the mass with the help of Mary.
Home girl sat with Nay at the back of the room.
Couple years later and we hardly talk, seems so soon.
My phone just flashed.
A text that read “leave your class, I need to see you”.
Lied to the tutor “Its an emergency, a possible number 2”.
They thought I had a problem with the amount of times I had to use the loo.
Haha Fuck it, I made the best of it.
Hot-spots around the school, I’m not referring to WiFi.
And getting caught by the teachers became regular, so “she had something in her eye” became my alibi.
Couldn’t stop me though, I was always looking.
Surfing through the halls with that shark-fin mohican.
And that black jacket people thought I’d lost. Nahh, actually I wonder if it was tossed.
Classes eventually ended but we still rolled.
Early weight sessions, the genesis that caused our bodies remold.
But the bus to Romford ran slow, so the stop became a spot.
Now its spotted flashbacks when I drive past those stops.
Arms day done but I still strained to yours.
Straight to work the next day, but I could handle today’s detour.
I didn’t want to lose those jobs just in case that April ever came again
The scare of my life, a somewhat enjoyable pain.
Anyways, life’s long and this is one hell of a phase.
Candles still burning so you lot, please make it home safe.
– Proverbs 12:11 (NIV)
Damn, been a while friends.
On my last post I mentioned how work had me tied up. – Serious understatement
Sleepless nights, fatigue, roughly sleeping only 4 hrs a day.
Truly stressful, no lie. But as I always say when it involves working out of my comfort zone, “it has to be done” – period
I quoted a Bible passage – I know, me (Enough with the sarcastic looks).
Even though I still harbor issues on the path Christianity is taking in our current times, this doesn’t dissolve the importance of the words in the book. Especially the books of proverbs for me. – Life wisdom conveniently provided in a soft back, and easily digestible publication.
Regardless of what the Bible says and taking God out of things. One thing is for sure, you only reap what you sow. Put in hard work in anything form and you shall reap progress. In most cases, its slow. But its progress nonetheless.
It matters not what you’re doing for money or development – from working as a cleaner to starting weightlifting and only being able to bench 5 kg on each side of the bar. Its progress of some sorts, and for that you will improve.
Lets flashback here.
So the beginning of summer, I put in mad shifts at my retail job and got quite a bit but after a while the temporary contract came to an end. I was without a job for about 2 months. – Mind you, I hate working, or should I say, I despise menial jobs so not working at the store wasn’t really an issue for me.
For those months where I wasn’t working. This extra time provided me with the opportunity to spend it with my close mates, doing random stuff but still money conscious with our dealings – being financially caged isn’t freedom and I yearn for this, in all its possible forms.
But this period of freedom allowed me excess time to read more as well as meditate and self reflect on myself, as well as more frequent one to one talks with my dad – A small/medium business owner.
I cant remember our conversations word for word but certain bits stuck.
I told him “I dislike working for someone else, creativity no matter what job they offer is hampered” His reply “If you hate it what are you doing at the moment, what provisions are you making to avoid ending up doing this for the next 40 years”, “learn the game then play it how you want to”, “one thing people your age lack is urgency”, “if you don’t have yourself in check you’re pathetic” and a few other quotes along those lines.
Anger ensued. Not cause of the words said, but its the honesty in his words. A few things became apparent to me. Man shall ever remain dreaming of a better tomorrow and man; for them not to regress, need some sort of activity done on a regular basis. Also dreamers annoy the life out of me. – Moving like Itachi has you in some genjutsu
Eventually, I did get a job. 3 at the same time in just the month of September. – All this after all the effort of interviews, business researching, practicing for interviews, rejections etc
I worked in all 3 before I finally settled for the job at a well reputable bank that around my area. – Yeah, I wear suits now lol. Plus, if I am going to be working, I might as well do it at a decent place.
All in all, what I am saying is you have to remain constant with ways in progressing yourself.
Give up hope and fantasies that shit will fall into your lap. – Unless your father is Dangote
Start making provisions to getting things done on your own.
When others were watching reality TV I was reading. When others were updating Facebook, I emerged myself in “ted talks” videos. When others were having that left over pizza from the night spent at the club, I was downing my coffee whilst heading to the gym. When others were getting overly drunk at the club and throwing up, I was convincing that young thang its safer if I walk her home, then… – Yeahh, a bit too much ?.
You should understand what I’m heading at. Don’t wonder “how” sh*t just happens. Do something and find out.
Results aren’t instant, but for that 0.00000001 daily self betterment, its worth it.
As my dad says, “progress is an accumulative thing” and due to focusing on work you might see other aspects of your life playing second fiddle to your main focus. – But it has to be done. We have all gone through those periods.
– Final year starts in a bit and its mainly going to be studying, work and the gym for me and I can’t actually wait.
Catch up now, or find out later.
BTW A quick shout out to all my readers, Thank you all. I see you 😉
Firstly, I should apologize for my absence – saving the world and reaping the rewards from these damsels can be quite time consuming.
On a serious note, I have been without my laptop for a while now as well also dealing with recent career applications and acceptances which, in all honesty have had me tied up. – I apologize and I will touch on the job subject on one of my upcoming posts.
Any ways, lets cut straight to the cheese here – let it rippppp
A while ago, I and my girl took a weekend trip away from where we reside, which is at London. We ended up at a her mates house in Coventry.
Her friend was kind enough to lend us his place – attic view, massive bed, PlayStation, flat screen TV and all sorts, kinda like a free hotel room.
Anyway, after getting the keys and waving him off. I was left with this petite figured female in just a shirt – Seriously, she picked me up from the station in just a shirt thing. – This led to the longest one hour and a bit before I finally isolated her from her peers.
A quick hug and a couple of smooches later after they had left, I decided we watch a movie. Luckily her dude friend had the whole Godfather series saved onto his PlayStation hard drive.
3 hours laterrr….. I’m kidding
Basically, we never made it through the movie but I could still remember certain clips from the film that resonated with me.
Since most of you reading this are smart and have adequate comprehensive skills, I’m going to paint out how a certain issue appears to me (in my head) using the movie characters/scene to make it more interesting.
The way Vito Corleone had forced the band leader guy to sign the Johnny Fontane contract is the same way I feel most guys are being pressured into certain choices.
Enough rambling, lets begin…
*skips to the scene of Luca Brasi holding a gun to the head of the Band leader*
Here, Vito Corleone proposes the idea of signing a lifetime employment contact to the band leader. – Pretty weird, I know. Legally they are somewhat unenforceable you’d think, but not in this case. This case is different. It can happen, he IS the Godfather after all.
Vito: Since you’ll be signing it, full disclosure is needed.
The business has a 50% failure rate within the next 10 years, and in the case it does fail, you have to fork out 50% of your net worth at the time.
Band Leader- but, but..
Vito: Hold on, there’s more. Depending on what verdict is reached at court, you could be paying 40% – 60% of your earnings to your (at that time) former partner and this could last between 10-20 years.
Band Leader- So many drawbacks, what are the gains ?
Vito: You will receive a substantial part of Johnny Fontane’s net worth at the time – which could be the same shape of an egg. 0.
Band leader – Uhm, if the agreement was that great why would you need a business partner in the first place ? Further more, I am betting my future, as well as current assets on just what you have right now ?.
*Am I a learner though*
Vito: In simple terms, Yes, you will be betting all that you’re worth on this. It’s like a sick game of chess, only difference is you wagered more and Jonny is allowed to cheat. (Casually throws in pun).
The contract also grants Johnny Fontane legal grounds to terminate the agreement at will, and this can be done without any rational reason.
Scenarios such as being “bored” with the agreement or “tired of being tied down”; not to mention the most common one, the “emergence of a new partner” are all accepted grounds for termination. – You just wake up and *poof* band leader guy, you’re gone.
Band Leader: …
Vito Corleone – Played by religion, society, etc.
Luca Brasi – Played by parents, family members.
The band Leader – My male brethren.
… guess who’s playing Johnny Fontane. ;).
“Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father (Vito) assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.”
– Chances that it won’t happen seem slim, most guys won’t mind tying the not to be honest. Main thing I’d say is making sure your “Johnny Fontane” is contract worthy. Also, you (as a man) are present and efficient enough in satisfying the needs for your little ones. You could argue there’s more to it, and you might be right (I’m always open to hearing people’s opinions) but as it stands, my priorities are different. They might change and they might not. We’ll see how things pan out.
Crush the meds down. Now, brush the powder-like substance into the spoon.
Rip the plastic off the plastic vessel. Reveal the syringe then gently twist the needle on – Careful, the tip is sharp but not that sturdy. I can’t even begin to explain how hard it is to pierce yourself with a broken point.
– Getting close now.
Lift the spoon then spark the lighter underneath it. – It melts. I guess the gods intended for this experience to occur. They gave us options…..swallow or shoot it up; The choice is mine. Autonomy is truly a beautiful thing.
Ahh, anyways, lets rid the spoon of its liquefied burden.
Its in the syringe now. Gently tapping the side to make sure there are no air or bubbles inside it – I feel like a doctor doing this. *tap tap tap*
Pick an arm, then strap up. – I prefer the left, the heart is towards that side.
Quickly enough a vein pops up.
We need to hurry, #WinterIsComing
Stab yourself with the needle – Using penetration there sounded a bit too naughty for my taste.
Then empty the foreign content into your body .
-The effects soon commence.
I feel happy.
This foreign entity makes me happy.
Lets do this more often.
I like this…
I like this addiction….. – It slowly becomes the nucleus of my life.
But, the fall from the high is a steep one
The promise of that initial stimulation keeps you around.
But it never comes.
The addiction, the thing you let inside you, you thought was sacred, you reasoned could not be replicated turns out to be a physical embodiment of the word “public”.
People get the same treatment as you. – It’s annoying, I am not exclusive to it.
You get jealous. Conjugal visits are few and far between, and when they do happen the hits only satisfy minuscule portions of your urges – I need more but I shouldn’t push too much so I don’t end up scaring it off.
In return, this only heightens the effects of paranoia. – Where is my high going ?, with whom?, Doing what?, how long?, how frequently?.
Continuous promises and rationalizations that “this is all a phase, it will soon end” mixed with religious- type levels of belief that only this thing can provide that once god like euphoria you felt still lingers in your thoughts….but alas – *casually drops some Shakespeare in there*. There is an end, the linear thoughts eventually crawl to a halt.
There are 2 choices now.
Stay. Where nothing changes, but hope that it will still lingers within your consciousness. – I mean, I prayed to God…so…
Pull the trigger on what and who you knew. Leaving with the sour memory of your failed attempt and possibly “inadequacy” as a temporary tattoo on your persona – But it’s not all doom and gloom, I still get to have the mango…
Funny thing is, whenever this is said…Things are never “FINE”.
Everyone says it though, so I am guessing they’re :
Fine with being unhealthy and looking physically unattractive?
Fine they cannot coherently interact with the other sex?
Fine with not making as much money as they’d wish?
Fine with their failed attempts to have sex in the last 4 months?
Fine with being stuck in their heads with dissatisfaction?
Fine with their girl acting up and them lacking enough male hormones to straighten her out?
…. Not really, right?
Simply put, I realized everything I am “fine” with is largely mediocre and needs to be worked on. The goals we all wish to achieve are all alarms that are ringing out, but what do we choose to do?
Hit the snooze button.
The activation energy needed to make you do what you want to do is lacking. You lack motivation, resolve and drive – all of these I did too, before I decided to actively push myself into staying up at 2.am to write this post.
You have to force yourself, full on, 1 man, by myself, in my room, doing this, 1 laptop, Microsoft word,… my bad, Kevin hart digression.
Anyways, properly tailoring your goals to yourself, then taking physical steps towards set goal will get you moving. The worst thing in this case is lying to yourself about why you do this thing you’re about to do.
Its okay to be selfish with your aspirations, they are all about you in the first place.
“I want to get healthy” will not get you on the treadmill jogging.
I know for one, my gym dreams began on that same thought but I quickly plateaued and lost motivation to go on. Changing my thought process to “I want a toned body to excite these girls and show off” swiftly did the trick for me, and I expect it will do the same for a lot of the male species out there.
The goals do come with added benefits, fine, but you need that 1 passionate or in my case – a testosterone loaded obligation – to actually get started, and to keep it going.
Along the lines, people did question my reasons.
That “my goals are basically done for external reasons, not for myself”. But everything is done for a reason, a personal one at that. Whether that reason be putting myself on the “You can’t afford this” shelf at the out-of-shape women supermarket to making sure that my spouse receives the healthiest Y chromosomes that this body has to offer, it’s cool.
As one of my favorite motivational speakers CT Fletcher said “Get your ass in motion then you worry about my range of motion” Main thing here is being proactive and actually putting yourself out there.
Hey, they will criticize you for winging from the achy gym muscles or shooting out when you failed at talking/making out with that chick but one thing is certain, the only shots they’ll be firing anytime soon will be into a Kleenex, and the only “beats” they’ll be getting will be from their hands.